Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (904)

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  (904): View more from Florida

  All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you

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  (904): All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you http://tfl.nu/8984
  Replies (2) Good night (207) Bad night (708)
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  He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.

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  Which I appreciated.

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  (904): He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me. (904): Which I appreciated. http://tfl.nu/2yf2
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (112)
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  And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

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  (904): And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept... http://tfl.nu/rhyx
  Replies (4) Good night (333) Bad night (120) Order T-Shirt
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  That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.

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  (904): That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring. http://tfl.nu/5dnd
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I want your cock.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd

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  (904): I want your cock. (910): All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd http://tfl.nu/l1ri
  Replies (11) Good night (688) Bad night (228)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.

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  (904): im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hp85
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.

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  (904): He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard. http://tfl.nu/3loy
  Replies (9) Good night (261) Bad night (951)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.

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  (904): Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am. http://tfl.nu/pjgw
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
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  He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

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  (904): He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him http://tfl.nu/dcu2
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.

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  (904): Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake. http://tfl.nu/mh4i
  Replies (9) Good night (540) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?

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  (904): But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore? http://tfl.nu/czg8
  Replies (6) Good night (302) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.

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  (904): Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one. http://tfl.nu/jh8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1394) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Why are your underwear on my dining room table?

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  (904): Why are your underwear on my dining room table? http://tfl.nu/jeuq
  Replies (5) Good night (437) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.

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  (904): I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing. http://tfl.nu/6kf7
  Replies (2) Good night (498) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.

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  (904): As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now. http://tfl.nu/x89u
  Replies (6) Good night (518) Bad night (171)