Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.