She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat