Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kentucky (859)

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?

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  (859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut? http://tfl.nu/nfyo
  Replies (12) Good night (477) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.

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  (859): Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested. http://tfl.nu/b8k3
  Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (299)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.

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  (859): I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation. http://tfl.nu/e71w
  Replies (1) Good night (184) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  I didn't get it..

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry. But to the original question please.

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  (859): So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong. (1-859): I didn't get it.. (859): I'm sorry. But to the original question please. http://tfl.nu/67d3
  Replies (3) Good night (331) Bad night (638)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Does the room smell any better?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.

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  (606): Does the room smell any better? (859): Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless. http://tfl.nu/3ric
  Replies (12) Good night (833) Bad night (260)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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  (859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...

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  (859): I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud... http://tfl.nu/ip6k
  Replies (1) Good night (212) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?

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  (859): Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less? http://tfl.nu/3zmk
  Replies (5) Good night (999) Bad night (209) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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  (859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers http://tfl.nu/vamg
  Replies (0) Good night (1556) Bad night (181)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.

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  (859): He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it. (859): The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders. http://tfl.nu/g672
  Replies (4) Good night (481) Bad night (950)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

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  (859): We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot. http://tfl.nu/b8ei
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...

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  (859): Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS... http://tfl.nu/5739
  Replies (7) Good night (826) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.

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  (859): I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it. http://tfl.nu/qtph
  Replies (8) Good night (556) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.

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  (859): So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius. http://tfl.nu/kk6i
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (188)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...

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  (859): you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection. (1-859): ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave... http://tfl.nu/0oli
  Replies (3) Good night (632) Bad night (426)