Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Kentucky (859)

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay

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  (859): Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay http://tfl.nu/mr5s
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  How external is "for external use only"?

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  (859): How external is "for external use only"? http://tfl.nu/650o
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  I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!

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  (859): I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms! http://tfl.nu/ase3
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  and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

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  (859): and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/coqa
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  I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him

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  (859): I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him http://tfl.nu/eehd
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  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

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  (859): When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs" http://tfl.nu/jaco
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  well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS

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  (859): well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS http://tfl.nu/hivl
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  We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.

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  (859): We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information. http://tfl.nu/bnu1
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  Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.

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  (859): Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling. http://tfl.nu/qu9z
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  By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day

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  (859): By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day http://tfl.nu/zi65
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  I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."

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  (859): I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital." http://tfl.nu/3xux
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  She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon

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  (859): She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon http://tfl.nu/ch80
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  I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.

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  (859): I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold. http://tfl.nu/cgsp
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  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

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  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
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  Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.

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  (859): Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss. http://tfl.nu/wyge
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