Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (815)

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.

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  (815): We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever. http://tfl.nu/gebx
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  Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship

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  (815): Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship http://tfl.nu/8hbk
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  When did angry sex become our thing?

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  (815): When did angry sex become our thing? http://tfl.nu/g3vv
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  I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now

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  (815): I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now http://tfl.nu/x5ns
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  It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.

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  (815): It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend. http://tfl.nu/9c86
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  And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

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  (815): And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily http://tfl.nu/5rme
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  It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles

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  We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.

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  (815): It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles (507): We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it. http://tfl.nu/cujh
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  Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.

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  (815): Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/bju4
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  One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.

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  (815): One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day. (1-815): Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar. http://tfl.nu/0cqf
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  after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.

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  (815): after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even. http://tfl.nu/ebz9
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  You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.

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  (815): You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger. http://tfl.nu/j7zd
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  After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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  (815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g
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  I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake

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  (815): I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake http://tfl.nu/t4t1
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  I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

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  (815): I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life. http://tfl.nu/262m
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  My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?

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  (815): My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday? http://tfl.nu/m0r9
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