I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.