Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw