Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.