Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Follow @tfln