One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks