Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I could fuck to npr.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want