I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I could fuck to npr.