I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I could fuck to npr.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.