I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism