I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My bed smells like the plague
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it