Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away