Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You took a bar mat shot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.