Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.