How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups