Sorry about my life...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?