I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level