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she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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