We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.