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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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