Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?