i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot