So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.