Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.