Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation