One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.