I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO