I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.