id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.