How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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