She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties