Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.