You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.