I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut