This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.