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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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