Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (559)

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  well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"

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  (559): well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle" http://tfl.nu/25nv
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  if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean

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  (559): if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean http://tfl.nu/a5l2
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  she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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  (559): she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer. http://tfl.nu/y0m8
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  I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?

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  (559): I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/uj0t
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  he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.

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  (559): he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in. http://tfl.nu/5rdv
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  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

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  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
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  Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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  (559): Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie. http://tfl.nu/febc
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  She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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  (559): She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude http://tfl.nu/6q44
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  We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.

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  (559): We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley. http://tfl.nu/4bq4
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  Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.

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  (559): Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face. http://tfl.nu/m55d
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  Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

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  (559): Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on. http://tfl.nu/nei9
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  He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.

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  (559): He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed. http://tfl.nu/q245
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  No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.

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  (559): No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support. http://tfl.nu/kxfx
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  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

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  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
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  I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper

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  (559): I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper http://tfl.nu/pzfa
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