Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
false alarm, still single
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.