if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"