do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hippo gnu deer
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?