do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hippo gnu deer
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?