Intervention is following me on twitter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.