Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...