I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....