Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night