Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So vagazzling was a success
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.