In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.