dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.