I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this beer tastes like vomit already
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He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested