I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy