There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!