My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.