She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.