Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (312)

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
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  I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.

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  (312): I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/dhko
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  I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird

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  (312): I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird http://tfl.nu/vra1
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  She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...

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  (312): She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it... http://tfl.nu/f47h
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  Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend

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  (312): Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend http://tfl.nu/fw95
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  Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.

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  (312): Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell. http://tfl.nu/6wbo
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  I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"

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  (312): I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day" http://tfl.nu/qds9
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  Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.

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  (312): Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees. http://tfl.nu/fk9m
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  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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  (312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo
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  I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

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  (312): I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy. http://tfl.nu/9mbp
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  please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children

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  (312): please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children http://tfl.nu/5h1t
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  He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.

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  (312): He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now. http://tfl.nu/rrnv
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  Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.

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  (312): Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture. http://tfl.nu/p8k2
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  Are you in a cab?

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  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
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  Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

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  I get to be your mom.

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  (847): Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth? (312): I get to be your mom. http://tfl.nu/nmh7
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