I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.