Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?