Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?