Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.