Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.