i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
do herpes really smell.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was confusing and full of hummus