I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was confusing and full of hummus
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression