Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say