Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.