I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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