So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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