i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.