she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar