Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
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My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
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Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list